The Scenario:  You’re starting to panic a little bit.  It seems like you’ve been single FOR-EV-ER, and you’re starting to think you might be doomed to a life of celibacy, or a life of un-fulfilling dates with men who don’t do it for you.  You start to notice your thoughts as you step up to a mirror: “What’s wrong with this?  What is it about this person I see in the mirror, that doesn’t attract a mate?” When all your friends are practicing serial monogamy, you can’t even a MAN to go out dancing with you, let alone one of them.

One Sixty One by Anna Gay

This situation – is it you?  It’s an easy feeling to fall into – one that you often don’t notice until it’s grabbed you by the cojones – you find yourself slipping into the habit of Ben & Jerry’s and Sex in the City reruns on a Friday night, instead of EVERYTHING else.  Don’t worry, dear heart!  It’s not fatal, but it might take a little adjustment.  Just because you haven’t found that someone doesn’t mean you’re not going to  – and it doesn’t mean that now is necessarily the right time to try and muscle your way into a relationship.

It sounds like the universe rearranging itself, because no-one’s come along, yet, who’s worthy of you. I know it sucks and it feels all dark and dreary right now, but that kind of wonderful love-thing happens when you least expect it, and when you aren’t looking.

Your response is to tell me that everyone always says that to anyone who feels like they’re on the perpetual search for a perfect mate, but it IS true.  Desperation is never a good look, and when you’re out enjoying your life, you look like you could care less.  That happy, care-free, wild child within is the most beautiful face you could put forward.   That is attractive.

Self-help, websites, and blind dates keep you focused on what’s wrong with your love life instead of what’s right.  You see the fact that blind dates are failures; and seriously, I cannot think of a WORSE set up for a date – “Oh hi, we don’t know each other but our friends think we’d like each other.” Except our friends – those who mean well, are people who are not us.  Dating sites just point out the value of a good photo on the internet and how many of those photos are a real person?  Self help is great, but do you really need it?  You have freedom, opportunity, and the ability to experience. You can coyly flirt with a cute barista without worrying that your “petit ami” is going to think you like the coffee guy a little too much.  You buy food for yourself – there’s no boy in his underpants standing at your fridge, drinking juice straight out of the jug.  And though some people may want that in their lives, there’s always going to be something in that potential mate that makes you roll your eyes and heave a giant sigh of desperation.

Singledom can be a great blessing and a lot of fun.  You are a wild child that a partner cannot tame.  You’re a sultry lioness whose perfect mate has yet to find you – and really, it’s their loss.   You are the inspiration that gets your non-single girl friends out of the house, when they sigh, “we never go out dancing anymore like we did when we were single.”

The sexiest thing you’ve got is being happy , loving who you are, and where your life has taken you. Chin up, hot stuff! Slap on a cute dress and some hot shoes, and kidnap one of your girl-friends for a night out on the town to forget all this ever happened.  Take that charge, that confidence and that control.  Then when you wink at some cute boy who’s in line at the bar, he’ll be left wondering just who you were and what kind of magic you possess.

Related posts:

1. The I in Relationship
2. Wholestyle Manifesto
3. Smart Words

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