With the release of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland comes, of course, the discovery of a million trinkets that will make you feel a little bit like Alice.   I was browsing Unique Vintage’s costume department and found a few Alice-inspired accessories that would add a touch of magic to any outfit.  (Click the images to go to the item at Unique Vintage). Where would I wear these items? To tea parties, or while playing croquet with the Queen…. Where did Alice wear these little trinkets? I guess you’ll have to read on, to find out.

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice’s first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which certainly was not here before,’ said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on it in large letters.

It was all very well to say `Drink me,’ but the wise little Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry. `No, I’ll look first,’ she said, `and see whether it’s marked “poison” or not’; for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if your hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,’ it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.

They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank–the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.

The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better’; and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I’LL soon make you dry enough!’ They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and the talking over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,’ thought Alice; `only, as it’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.’

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!’ they cried out when they saw Alice coming. `There’s PLENTY of room!’ said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

`Have some wine,’ the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!’ he replied. `We quarrelled last March–just before HE went mad, you know–’ (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `–it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing

“Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you’re at!”

You know the song, perhaps?’

`I’ve heard something like it,’ said Alice.

`It goes on, you know,’ the Hatter continued, `in this way:–

“Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle–”‘

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle–’ and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.

`Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,’ said the Hatter, `when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!”‘
`How dreadfully savage!’ exclaimed Alice.

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all the unjust things–’ when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.

`Would you tell me,’ said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are painting those roses?’

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, afore she comes, to–’ At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!’ and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?’ she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, `It’s all his fancy, that: he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on!’

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

`This here young lady,’ said the Gryphon, `she wants for to know your history, she do.’

`I’ll tell it her,’ said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: `sit down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.’

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, `I don’t see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn’t begin.’ But she waited patiently.

`Once,’ said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was a real Turtle.’

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them–all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them–`I wish they’d get the trial done,’ she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!’ But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.

First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers–she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyes–and still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive the strange creatures of her little sister’s dream.

The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by–the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool–she could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution–once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess’s knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it–once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard’s slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock Turtle.

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all would change to dull reality–the grass would be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds–the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep- bells, and the Queen’s shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd boy–and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and all thy other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard–while the lowing of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle’s heavy sobs.

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.

the end.

All book excerpts are from Lewis Carroll’s “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”, which you can find online at Gutenberg.org

(From We Heart It)

Every Halloween, I get the urge to curl up in a corner with Fall of the House of Usher and a cup of spiced black tea.  T’is the season, I feel, for some Poe, and so without further ado, we’re sharing our best Poe finds for fall.

=========

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.”

Next time you are nearly napping… make sure it’s with your Edgar Allan Pillow!

Regan’s Brain on Etsy is filled with odds and ends, and the ever curious.  For that literary nerd in your life, you neeeeed this.  Or… I neeeed this.  Either way, it’s fantastic.  It’s a stylish addition to any bookworm’s reading nook – in fact,  I need it for bedtime stories like Annabel Lee (read on…)

Annabel Lee is the last complete poem written by Poe, but it wasn’t published until two days after Poe’s death as part of his obituary (which is an interesting read in itself).  It’s a touching verse – the narrator and Annabel are so in love that the angels become jealous and steal her away; every night he lays by her tomb because their souls are still intertwined.  Romantic?  I think so….

It’s obvious that someone like Tim Burton would love Poe.  In fact, Burton did a stop-motion short about a little boy who wants to be Vincent Price when he grows up (it was first released with Frankenweenie!). It’s narrated by Vincent Price and written in verse that conjures up images and emotions that would make Poe proud.

And what would we be without a visual commentary on Poe-inspired style, made fresh by Jaka over at Polyvore?

Spats!  Ornate jewelery!  Parasols!  Black gloves, urns and intricate bags!  Any girl could channel gothy-glory decked out in these looks.

And for the Poe-lover’s abode, let this be your inspiration:

Now, this is not to say that Poe is just inspirational for looks and the allure of Gothic life and style.  Poe was an intense literary critic and a famous American Romantic Movement author.  His macabre and mystery set the stage for early short fiction and detective novels.  You watch CSI?  (Don’t lie, you know you do). You should thank Poe for that.

Recommended Reading by Poe:

• The Masque of the Red Death
• The Cask of Amontillado
• The Raven
  
• The City in the Sea (poem)
• Israfel (poem)
• American Poetry (lecture)
• Eureka: A Prose Poem (essay)

Enrich yourself and spend a moment today reading a little Poe, and until next time…

&

Relationship-land is an amazing place. We discover so much about a person in such a short amount of time – the result of which can be intrinsically fascinating. We fall into a pattern of close connection; the other person becomes our world and a measure by which we view our good traits and our faults. Through this, it’s easy to lose ourselves (especially, it seems, as women) in the relationship. We get such amazing endorphins from this other person that we constantly seek out that stimulation to keep ourselves “high” on love. The important parts of ourselves sometimes go overlooked and we often discover we’ve overlooked friends, hobbies, and important “Secret Single Behaviors” that made us who we are.

It can be easy to over-think this little realization to the point where you feel suffocated, even in the best relationship. The trick is to make sure your relationship both fosters your independence, and helps you grow in your coupledom. It’s important, during those first stages of dating, to resist the urge to latch on to each other like siamese twins (and this is true of new friends, your job, etc), and to spend time doing you-things. Schedule time, during your week, to spend some time reading in bed, or to go out with your girl friends. Take some time to list out your “Secret Single Behaviors”, and write them into your planner. If you’re at his place every night but Tuesday, you’re probably going to burn out that “honeymoon phase” pretty quickly. It leaves no magic and wonder to the imagination, and the most fun part of being in a relationship is that magic and wonder that enchants you when it comes to someone else.

When it comes to the end of that honeymoon phase, we’re often hit with a jolt: “Is this REALLY what I want?” That’s the moment where you still REALLY love the person you’re with, but you realize it’s okay to look at the scenery. After all, that scenery can play a vital role in reminding you how wonderful your beau is. You may have a sense of confidence now – “If this person wants me, other people want me” or have feelings that the grass is greener, there are other fish, and so on. Think about your relationship, at this point; are you both growing independently and together, while maintaining your sense of self? Maybe you’ve spent just too much time together and NEED that other social intereaction and individual experience. That’s okay. A healthy relationship is one where you can be together, and you can be independent. Of course, you need to be able to discern your need for individuality from OTHER relationship problems you may have, but often, feeling stifled or suffocated is a lack of individualism.

Make sure to make time for yourself and your OWN activities in whatever you sign up for – whether it’s a relationship, school, work, etc. Those individual experiences build who you are, and are super important to your personal development. Relationships help us define ourselves by the characteristics we adore in our partners, but shouldn’t be our only mode of growth.

I am whole. Every part of me is a part of the package deal that you get when you sign up.

I am “fairy hair” and tattoos. I am a love for books and a strong hate for raisins. I am a little burlesque, a little rocker, a little My Little Pony with a penchant for shoes.

I am my wit, my sarcasm. I am my good days and my not-so-good days. I am a culmination of the knowledge I’ve gained in my past experiences, and I’m okay with that. I have been all those experiences, and I am now this experience.

I am blue, sometimes… and I am sparkly pink sometimes. I express myself through the way I paint my surroundings… sometimes green, sometimes grey, but always true to the color of my being.  Sometimes I color in the lines and sometimes I crumple up the sheet or color on the other side.  It builds character.

Image via Raindrops and Rosepetals

Sometimes I’m uncouth, but I make up for it by being sincere and kind. Sometimes I envy, but I realize if I want it, I can have it. Sometimes I’m brash, and I make up for it in deference to those who know more than I do.  I’m often eccentric, I slather it with charm and serve it on a ceramic dish.  I can be patient, I am loyal.  I can be vulnerable, I can be vulgar.  I’m okay with that, because I have control over how I react.  I am impatient, sometimes too pessimistic, often overly enthusiastic.  I am me.

I’m whole.  I’m a package deal.  I come as I am.  I define myself by my wandering path and not by a set of socially pre-devised characteristics.

I am great, I am small, I am magic, I am smart.  I am beautiful, in this package, wrapped in satin ribbon and decorated holographic stars.  I am a dream-girl, a realist and an old soul who possesses childlike wonder.

I am me.  I am okay with that.  I love and have been loved and am loved – if by nobody other than myself.  I am happy with that being.

How do you define yourself?  What makes you whole?  Who are you – it’s your turn!  You do it now; define yourself.

Every once in awhile I get a tip on a new band or event to check out and the most recent addition is Spygirl!  They  are coming to Seattle’s Mars Bar as a part of the International Pop Overthrow Festival on August 22.  The International Pop Overthrow Festivals take place in cities across the globe and feature between 25-180 of the best pop bands from around the world… The purpose is two-fold: one aim is to give every worthy band who’d like to play their music in a festival atmosphere the chance to do so, and the other is to bring pop music the attention it so richly deserves.

Spygirl opens the Saturday shows of the Seattle festival with their lush, melodic, elegant, and dark pop-rock.

“If Spygirl were a martini, they’d be equal parts sonic assault, naked duets and lush harmonies with a dash of drum & bass, and garnished with a twist of Canadiana – shaken vigorously, of course. If Spygirl were an outfit, you’d look geek-slick, full in all the right places and your ass would look hot…” via Spygirl’s Myspace.

The Vancouver based 6-piece are still riding high from the momentum created from their 2008 release, “Pieces of Evidence”, which was produced by Tom Rothrock (he’s worked with Beck, Elliot Smith, and James Blunt, among others).  The album is well produced and evokes the feeling of eyes-closed dance party under pink and blue lights; it’s a delicious champagne-bubbly splash in your glass of spicy, dark sangria.  It’s the perfect compliment to your end-of-summer love and a and a smooth way to segue back into cooler days of fall.

“Spygirl’s sound, like their name, evokes scenes of espionage, glamour and mystery.” —The Vancouver Sun

“…sometimes sexy, often peppy…the biggest delight here lies in the encyclopedic talents of this experienced crew.” — The Westender

To me, their sound lands somewhere between Alanis Morissette rock, Tori Amos melodies, a little Pink Martini downtown lounge and the heartfelt wail of Neko Case.  Really, though, you should see for yourself – and that is why we’re giving away 2 fabulous goodies.

For our Seattle area readers, I have 2 tickets to the Spygirl show on the 22nd – one for you and one for a friend.  For one lucky reader outside of Seattle I have Spygirl’s “Pieces of Evidence” CD to send you.  There are SEVERAL ways you can enter and we’re accepting multiple entries – here’s how:

1. Go to Spygirl’s Myspace and report back here with the names of 3 of the band members.

2. Go to Spygirl’s Myspace and tell me which *official* music video they have available on the page.

3. Give us some press! Retweet the contest.

4. Post about this contest on your Facebook, blog, etc.

After you’ve done one (or more) of these things, comment here to let me know you’ve accomplished the mission.  Be sure to include your email and what state you’re from.

When the contest ends (Aug 20, Midnight PST), I’ll divide the Seattlites and the out-of-towners into 2 lists and pick a winner from each.

If you don’t win tickets, but still want to go to the show here’s what you need to know:
8/22 – Mars Bar – 8:00p w/ Gary Reynolds and The Brides Of Obscurity, The Liar’s Club, GE5, and more… $8

Mars Bar is located at 609 Eastlake Ave. E., Seattle WA.  Ph: 206 624-4516

I’ll be there – look for the girl with the conspicuously bright red hair.  Come say hi!

You all know about the contest, sponsored by Babeland Seattle that is running here on Bonne Vie.  If you don’t, here’s the link.  We’re closing entries at the end of the week, so hop to!

In the meantime, I started thinking about the response to the contest and I started to wonder – where’s the love, when it comes to sex positive posts?  It seems like every so often, someone runs a little blurb on the Lelos,  a contest announcement, and when we’re lucky, someone comes out and speaks truth about themselves and their experience in a very revealing and courageous way. Besides this handful of people, not many folks talk about the thing we all do.  There are people who don’t condone “kissing and telling”, and there are people who dish out details to their closest friends, but in this big bad blogworld, sex seems un-stylish.

(Burlesque is sex positive, but isn’t un-stylish – just look at those costumes!)

Maybe we fear a backlash of spam comments and emails.  We don’t want to be called tart, harlot, whore, or deviant.  We recoil from the media raunch-hype Cosmo puts out (sorry, Cosmo, but really…), or maybe we’re talking to an audience that might include our mothers.  Some people feel that “Birds and Bees” conversations are awkward – which can lead to later awkwardness in dealing with sex.  Others feel like sex is made out to be something it’s not.  Many just don’t bring it up – quite possibly because sex is not talked about in a positive personal way.  Whatever the case, we all have good reasons to not indulge in talking about one of our most primal instincts; however, the propensity to not talk about sex only makes the situation more awkward.  If we are to overcome our barriers and become comfortable with our bodies and our sexuality, we are going to have to address sex at some point.

Sex can be a very positive action.  Whether it’s working in a sex-positive environment, dressing like a fox, or having 8 boyfriends – I want to know your experience.  By talking about it, we are slowly lowering taboos related to how we should feel about our bodies and our sexuality.  Do it.  Talk about it.  Tell us!

As Jaka said:

We talk about dressing sexy, feeling sexy, being sexy, but never about sex?  What the hell kind of sense does that make?  So, our mission is to break down those taboos and get you hot and bothered sistas chatting about gettin’ nasty!  After all, what’s the point of having all those fine clothes and fine lines if you don’t share (with yourself or others)?

I’ll be touching on this subject (hurr) every so often and I encourage your feedback.  A little birdie told me that there are others out there who will also be talking about sex from time to time, and I’ll proudly support them – especially by telling you where to find that information.  Bonne Vie is a blog about the good life – and a good lifestyle includes a little lovin’, you know!

p.s. For editing purposes, the original password was “bewbs”.  You’ll notice this post isn’t password protected now… but just FYI….

Now, more companies are opting to “go green” in the efforts to make less of an environmental impact.  You can find green products to do your laundry, green ways to get to work, and there’s even a green way to spice up your boudoir repertoire!  Let me warn you, this post is for those sex-positive readers – not the faint at heart.

The Earth Angel - Featured at Babeland

Let me present the hand crank Earth Angel.  There’s been a lot of talk recently about this little contraption – it’s not every day we see a wind-up vibe, and this vibe is a svelte way to go green in the bedroom or a great travel companion!  It is an innovative toy – a classically-designed slimline vibe with a wide base.  The crank fits inside the base and flips out to wind the toy up – no batteries to burn through, no need for plug-in adapters when traveling.  It’s easy to charge and has a good range of power for a slimline vibe; the Earth Angel offers 4 speeds from a nice low to a buzzy high, with good vibrations and intensity.  The vibe and its packaging are both made from recycled materials, and when disposing of the toy, the manufacturer offers to recycle the old vibe for you and give you a 15% off voucher towards the purchase of another.

Even Daily Candy has hopped on the wagon, saying:

Ireland’s Earth Angel vibrator absolves you of any environmental guilt associated with engaging in your hot-button issue (don’t let that hold you back, though). The household appliance fast becoming as common as a coffeemaker is now dedicated to pleasing both you and the environment.

The staff at Babeland want you to know just how amazing this little g-spot gadget is:

From Audrey at Babeland Seattle:  Well, after handling thousands of vibrators every day…a vibe is a vibe is a vibe, really.  However, without actually taking the Earth Angel for a test drive on the road it was designed for (excuse my euphemisms!), I can still tell you this: it is a great variable speed toy with some good power.  Not a “Strong” toy – it doesn’t compete with the Magic Wand in any way, but it has a great low, medium, high higher range to it.  The buttons are easy to push and to reach.  The controls are easy to learn once you try it out a few times.  What I am most impressed about with this toy (other than the sustainable power), is that it is super quiet and discreet.  I don’t think we have another hard plastic vibe in the store with this much power (again a good “high” not a super strong vibrate) that is nearly as quiet.

I am going camping for a week and will definitely be taking one of these with me.  I do wish the design was more interesting as far as the insert-able part is concerned, but it is a standard design.  People buy slimlines every day despite the choice of all the interesting shapes in the store.   It is pretty cool that this is the first vibrator to ever come out of Ireland; not a selling point for most, but cool for a sex toy geek to like me!

From Shannon at Babeland Seattle: The thing I love most about the Earth Angel, aside from it’s innovative eco-friendliness, is that is it a slimline vibe you can use for backdoor lovin’.  Because of the crank in the base of the Earth Angel, it gives the vibrator a wide enough base to safely use it anally.  I also love that it is great for travel.  We have so many customers asking about power adapters for their toys, or if they are safe to charge on a converter – I have a new option to recommend to jetsetters now!

From the Manufacturer: The Earth Angel holds its unused power indefinitely or until it is used.  The power does not decrease inside the power core.  It is sustained.”

Babeland has never steered me wrong when it comes to the ways of the bedroom and they want to give ONE lucky girl a chance to experience this green sensation.  That’s right, Babeland Seattle is giving me the chance to send one of you your very own Earth Angel.  No cords or wires, no more disposable hard to find batteries – it’s an amazing travel partner and an eco-conscious decision.  You, my friends (in the US), have 3 ways to enter:

• Follow @BabelandSeattle and then come back and comment to tell us who you are on Twitter!
• Retweet or tweet about the contest (and you should let me know in the comments!)
• Post about the contest on Facebook, etc.

You need to come back and tell me when you’ve done these things, because a comment on this post is your entry for the contest.  We’ll give you 3 weeks – that’s till the end of the moth – to submit entries (and be sure to include an email address) and then we’ll pick one winner at random as the lucky recipient.

Thanks so much to Babeland Seattle, especially Audrey and Shannon from Babeland, Daily Candy, and the GENIUS who invented the hand-cranked Earth Angel vibe.  Also, a big thanks to our readers for entering.  Good luck!

A good and realistic little credo….

I have this friend who’s been sort of down for the past little while since a sort of rocky breakup.  I was talking to this person about the little personal speedbump they’ve hit and I started to think about what it’s like to be in that situation.  I know that feeling of needing someone there, of needing some interaction.  I know how it is to maybe feel like you should be single, but to find yourself constantly wanting or looking for the next relationship that might ease that discontent.  I understand that feeling that you’re all alone – that your friends are off with this and that lover, or the feeling that nobody’s there to listen to you, and to commiserate.  I identified with this person’s plight and it sort of made my chest ache for them and for everyone who goes through this emotional down time.

(Img via Kaleidoscope Eyes)

I’ve been there more times than I can count – I’m okay with admitting that.  Love isn’t easy for anybody and (I hate to sound selfish) in all matters related to your heart, you need to look after yourself.  The post-breakup period is about getting to know yourself again, and remembering how much you love you.

Now, we’ve all experienced the ex who texts you a week later professing their love and I can’t tell you the best course of action here.  I can only say this: how many chances is your relationship worth?  People DO make mistakes, but don’t walk back into something without making sure your heart is protected.  People, regardless of what they say, look out for themselves first and so should you in that situation.

The first thing I do when I hit this little down point is to clean out the personal clutter that a relationship and breakup leaves behind.  Sometimes it’s as simple as taking our photos down off the fridge, and sometimes it’s a Saturday rearranging my apartment while listening to Abba (Seriously.  Abba.  Wut!?).  During this period I make sure to nix all the sad-sack songs off my playlist and listen to a lot of me-centric more upbeat music.  I rearrange my life to be about me.  I take myself out to dinner or drinks with friends.  I treat myself to a massage or spend time in the tub reading girlie mags.

Sometimes I write myself little love notes in lipstick on my bathroom mirror.  Often I try to mentally make a list (as quickly as possible) of all the reasons I love me.  I spend time doing things I absolutely love and adjusting.

The most important part of all this adjustment and getting over the breakup is acceptance.  You go through your angry period and your sad period and all these little self-love routines to get to one basic point.    You have to accept that point in your life and move forward.  Life is what it is and there’s no way to change it.  The more you love yourself and accept your self and whatever comes to you, the less time it’ll take you to realize that you’re always in the right place – whether you’re with someone or not.

Instead of focusing on how heartbroken you are without your last lover, make a point of recognizing and realizing all the reasons that you and your life are amazing despite who you’re with.  You’re always going to end up where you need to be to have your best life ever, and resistance is never the easiest path to the end result.  Love yourself, love your life, and accept whatever curveball life throws at you next.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll look back on this time of my life – on this recession – and think of it as the economic crisis, or simply as the year I worked through it … so hard, at times, that I felt like an old woman at the end of the day. I realize I write to an audience who’s going through this time in their own manners, their own methods…

I write little expository pieces and things that are light and enjoyable. I inundate you with photos and silliness, and underneath, I understand that you’re working as hard as I am to get where you want to be. I admire your skill and charm as you work your way through a world that has not yet been cut out for you. I’m right there along side you, though not literally there with you, and we’re forging paths, and fighting for that same “bonne vie” that will lead to golden promises and the best life possible

I’m excited for you and for myself as we stay so engaged in this world that sometimes seems indifferent to our individual schedules and wishes, but you make this life beautiful through your existence.  In the times that I am the most tired, I think on all the hard work we’re all doing to get ahead and I push forward.

I know some feel they’ve fallen behind, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed in this time… at this stage of life.  Perservere in knowing that there’s something else – something more – and through patience and that will to survive we’ll get there.  All of us.  Work hard and love life, knowing that there’s something more… there’s something out there that’s good and bright and waiting just for you.  You are miraculous.